Daily reminders of just how much I still have to learn. Minute to minute knowing I can always be better. Little eyes looking at me, wanting to please, convince, persuade or simply love. Why must I resist? Why must my ego take hold of this beautiful space and hold me so tight in this false reality I have chosen to visit every now and then?
My heart aches, knowing my responses are never perfect, in fact down right wrong at times. What can I do to make it better, yet have some sense of order? Or is this all to break any sense of order and simply let things flow as they are meant to? I cry out for help, yet no response seems to come… Or maybe that is the response; quiet reflection.
Fourteen years ago I became a parent to this incredible soul that has turned my life upside down, inside out and held me to a line of accountability within my inner core I do not dare begin to describe in these minuscule words. She has brought forth the greatest love, while teaching me the my deepest truths. I may not have seen if I were not a mother.
For this I am thankful, to now be a mother to not one, but FOUR! I am working on extra credit, as I like to joke, but really I think I must have signed something along the way I cannot recall. Each of them bringing a different energy, swirling with completely unique patterns and love. What a blessing to be gifted four times over.
This is where my heart must remain; full of gratitude and surrender for what I still have to learn. They have come to teach, I must now sit and listen to the lessons they are speaking. Setting aside my mind/ego, to reflect upon those moments I simply want nothing more than to walk out the front door and wait until they have all gone to bed.
As a parent we are held to this standard or expectation that simply does not align with the idea of living in the flow. For this I ponder where to release, where to take hold and where to begin a make-over. I am only beginning. My heart and soul wants nothing more than to embrace this opportunity in front of me.
Today, I surrender to this space. Today I say to the world; I am flawed, broken, full of mistakes as well as love! I am also beautiful and willing to reflect in these moments and refill with gratitude. Thank you for sharing this space, thank you for loving your children and most of all, thank you for loving yourself through this process; they are here to help us with this very thing. XOXO